Friday, November 05, 2004


Color me depressed. I have the same sense I had when I was five and tornadoes hit Batesville. It was sudden chaos. My kindergarten class huddled under a flimsy table as one of the three monsters that hit our town roared down the street outside our window. After it passed, there was silence and things moved in slow motion for what seemed like days. I suddenly felt very alone and though I wouldn't have said it this way at age five, vulnerable in a way I didn't know was possible. That night I was tired from all of the adrenaline rushes, but I couldn't sleep. For no specific reason, I wanted to cry.

I feel like that now, and I'm incredibly angry. My eyes have bags under them big enough to hold loose change. My friends, like me, are dumbfounded that our country chose the ludicrous facade of morality and security Bush represents over the promise of a more honest, compassionate and intelligent administration. Whenever I see John (my John, not Kerry), I have to choke back tears because of what is now written into state constitutions all over the U.S., including my home state of Arkansas.

As I sit here in the Indianapolis airport I can't speak to anyone. I keep looking around thinking, "six in ten of you were stupid enough to be fooled by Bush--again!" I know it sounds judgmental. At the moment I can't help it.

Now I'm headed to DC for work. I hate that I have to be any where near that poor excuse for a man. I hate the sound of his affected voice. I don't know how true Texans stand it. I hate his dismissive attitude, his razor-thin veneer of sincerity. I hate his absolute dependence on people more intelligent and mean than he is to fill his head with something to say that might possibly pass for substance. I hate that he has NO clue about the experiences and problems of the people who voted for him (much less the ones who didn't). And I hate it that those who voted for him expect him to understand their needs--him, for whom even the concept of an honest day's work is an abstracted myth at best.

If you think I'm making a bigger deal out of this than I should and feel the need to tell me so, I recommend that you don't and that you KISS MY ASS instead. Don't tell me that now that he has won, even if it was a fair election, that I should get behind the president and support him. That is like telling a black person in the 1950s to ignore Jim Crow and support the administration that allowed it. Bush won't help protect me and my family, so he and his can wander around in their drug-induced stupors alone as far as I'm concerned. If they can't face his presidency sober, what makes people think it will be better for the rest of us?

I don't care if you are a family member, colleague, or fellow Christian. If you imagine that another four years of the same illustrious mess we are in now is the best we can do for our country, you can't hear me and I can't hear you. You ignored the true concerns of this nation for the sake of what you think (how, I cannot possibly imagine) is a model of morality, security, or fiscal responsibility and voted for the worst president in our history--twice!


Blogger closetliberalintx said...

May they all kiss my ass as well. I'm sorry you had to wait so long to post this one. I share you thoughts and frustrations. Our president claims, through his legislation, that we will leave no child behind while pushing an entire country further and further back on the global scene daily. Adding to the frustration I feel about rights being denied for you and John is the sinking feeling that there is not even a dim light at the end of the tunnel. I never thought that I would feel this hopeless in this country. I never thought so many Americans would be intimidated by someone whose international policy is not "shoot first, ask questions later." When did searching for intellect in leaders become so scary? If this country has become so afraid to think for itself, why put so many restraints on schools? Why not have them practice "Simon says" for a few hours a day and simply send them home with the explanation, "because I said so." Maybe we are heading in that direction and just don't realize it. Perhaps this is what the underlying agenda really is for this administration. As for now, they have created a divided country like no other administration. Those, like yourself, who feel hopeless and those who simply feel superior because they are self-proclaimed moral, religous bigots.

7:56 AM  
Blogger potterdad said...

Thanks Troy and Ben for expressing more eloquently than I ever could the frustration so many of us feel right now.


9:42 AM  
Blogger Rosie said...

Troy, you know I feel exactly the same way. As I watched those returns come in on Tuesday night all I could think about was that Bush ran on a platform of 'I will attack and limit the civil liberties of everyone who doesn't think and live just the way I do.' I had pictures in my mind of a scenario in 20 years in which the women of Afghanistan were working to liberate American women from their oppressive government rather than vise versa. However, I have been consoling myself with the fact that it took the suffragettes 70 years to win the right for women to vote and they worked HARD to do it. There are other apt comparisons - civil rights, abortion rights, and many others I won't be able to think of until I have more coffee. My mother has been saying for years that the women in my generation think things were always like they are today for women - relatively equal pay for equal work, the ability to hold jobs other than teacher or nurse, the ability to get credit in our own name, the right to make decisions about our own bodies, etc. She also says that there may come a time when I have to go to battle for these rights again which is what I've begun to do over the past few days as a way to channel my anger and frustration over the election results. Sorry if I sound like an obnoxious eternal optimist, but I think our side needs to get busy and get active because that's how the other side won four more years of dubya. And, we might keep in mind that for 70 years those suffragettes slogged away to win the right to vote in the face of extreme prejudice from many men and many women for that matter. The opposition ran campaigns against them and called them very nasty names (sound familiar), but they pressed ahead. Perhaps the thought of these women and other groups who worked so hard to earn rights that today we take for granted will encourage us to do the same and help channel our frustration through the long, dark, four years ahead.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Troy said...

Thank God we have 49% of the country that understands. We shoudl remind ourselves of this.

It has been so wild to be in DC and then here in Portland, Maine. Both were voting at about 90% for Kerry. People are literally in shock. My friend Dana who brought me up here to work for a couple of days walked me through an exhibition on the birth of the U.S. In one of her galleries she had put quotes on the walls (2 weeks before the election) from famous Americans. One was from the writer Pearl S. Buck that said "People who have never had their freedom threatened do not know how valuable it is." As we stood there looking at the quote I told Dana that a few years (months?) ago, I would not have understood that quote the way I do today. Rosie, you're absolutely right. We better be ready to fight and for a long time. This election was just the beginning for me and the civil rights thing even though the battle was started long ago. I'm embarrassed that it took me this long to care this much. But I'm there now. And so are a lot of other people.

2:44 PM  
Blogger The Humanity Critic said...

I felt depressed too after that day. Just the mere thought that america voted that jackass back into office makes me sick..Great blog..

7:39 AM  
Blogger Troy said...

THC, glad you checked in. In this case misery loves company. But we do have a lighter side, too.

5:21 AM  

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